A Brief About Pectopatron

As a human being, we live in very unpredictable circumstances. Sometimes we get high and sometimes we have to feel the worst moment in our life. I think it’s a perfect combination to enrich the human life experience. As it turns out, I have been experiencing both of those things. The good things were fade away, now it’s time for the bad one.

I think it was a normal thing when a someone lost of confidence, feels hopeless, and lonely. However, I pretended to myself that I always feel good. But I thought these things got worst.

I became so pathetic, miserable, and turns my happiness memory in my life becomes adversity, grief, and despair. I guess the self-motivation topic on Medium became meaningless.

It was hard to describe this moment. I think the best proportionate to frame it was imagining into a wraith-like dark creature, a Dementor. It sucked my happiness and every good memory, nothing left behind except the deep sorrow and adversity.

One night, I read news from an online media. The headline was so clickable which is I knew then that it was a bad news from the superstar. Yes, it was. They reported that Lady Gaga struggled with PTSD, a kind of mental illness. I wondering about this illness, then I Googled it for more information.

The result was thrilling! it was like reading the explanation of my sorrow and adversity. It points out clearly and scientifically about my suffering. The things that I realized was I got the clue from the way that I never think.

I was thinking about went to a psychiatrist, but I can’t afford it. I believe there was another way to validate my assumption. I try to browse about the mental health test online on internet. After a minute for assessment, I got the test result. It was not surprising to me. From the assessment, I diagnosed that I have a mental health issue and it claimed as a post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It was proven not just in one website, but I did a test on some website.

I try to recall my memory in the past. It’s quite hard to get in. I remember my past moment, but not quite good. I lost the detail because I thought I have to erase it from my memory. But I can’t do it flawlessly.

The more I read about the PTSD, the more I know and I understand about my life. It’s kind like discover a new piece of my life puzzle. Now I know my mysterious things that I never know before, for instance, I had a very chronic and complicated sick that I never know before. I diagnosed with typhus, but it has a lot of symptoms that it was so weird to decide a diagnosed for one disease. But after some research on the journal, I got the clear answer and the explanation that I can relate it.

I am so bad when it comes. I lost my ability to think clearly. I can’t concentration and even to live in the moment. When it comes, I feel so hard to do just a little things. I never get sleep well and when I stare myself in the mirror, its look my face so messy just like a stressful person.

One of the messages from Lady Gaga is:

The most inexpensive and perhaps the best medicine in the world is words. Kind words…positive words…words that help people who feel ashamed of an invisible illness to overcome their shame and feel free. – Lady Gaga

I try to write it down and share my personal experience via this blog. I believe, this is a good way for me to better understand about every single bad feeling in me and explain it in an uncluttered way. It gives me a better way to recovery.

I know everybody else did not want to get a bad thing in their life, in their family, in their beloved one. Me too, but when it has to come, no one could deny it. And I try to embrace it and turn it into a life lesson.

I hope you could learn the moral value from it and make it as a fundamental thing to create a better life.